For HVAC and home improvement owners whose reps could sell heat pumps through Revbase. Nothing has been sent and the campaign is unchanged.
119first emails sent
0human replies
0calls booked
From the campaign report on Oct 29. V1 got 0 positive replies from 24 sends, V2 got 0 from 19, and the older copy got 0 from 76. The persona pages show 0 visits from the emails.
The drafts
Each draft has one proof line from the approved claims, one question the owner can answer in a line, and no link. The sender adds the signature and footer, the same as it does today.
Draft AHVAC owners73 words
Subject floating heat pump jobs
Dana, how much money do you have floating right now on heat pump jobs that are done but not paid?
With Revbase you'd get paid every Friday on those jobs, whether or not the financing has funded or the rebate has come through. We handle both.
I could be wrong that it's a big deal for a shop like yours. Is it?
P.S. If you've got it handled, "nope" is a fine answer.
Jonathan
Revbase
Why it gets a reply. It asks about money the owner is owed right now, a number every owner knows, and "nope" is an easy reply that still opens a thread.
Proof line. Paid every Friday, whether or not the financing has funded or the rebate has cleared (emails.md, HVAC 1 and HVAC 2).
Draft BHome improvement owners72 words
Subject do you guys do heating
Dana, when a homeowner asks your guys "do you do heating too?", what do they say?
If it's no, that job goes to someone else. Our dealers say yes. Their reps sell the heat pump, and we finance it, file the rebates and have our licensed install partner put it in. New dealers add an average of 15 installs a month.
Does that question come up on your jobs, or hardly ever?
Jonathan
Revbase
Why it gets a reply. It quotes a question remodelers really get asked in the house, and the ask is about their own jobs, so answering commits them to nothing.
Proof line. New dealers add an average of 15 installs a month (emails.md, Home Improvement 1 V1/V2).
Draft CHome improvement owners (the biggest unsent group)80 words
Subject oil and gas customers
Dana, rough guess: of the last 20 homes you worked in, how many still heat with oil or gas?
That number tells me fast whether this is worth your time. Those homes are where your reps can sell a heat pump. We do the financing, permits and rebates, and our licensed install partner installs it. We run these jobs in New York and Massachusetts today.
If the answer is "almost none," tell me and you won't hear from me again.
Jonathan
Revbase
Why it gets a reply. It qualifies before it pitches. A guess at one number takes ten seconds, and the promise to stop is real because any reply ends the drip (inbox.ts:211).
Proof line. Installs run in New York and Massachusetts today (claims note, Oct 21, Jonathan confirmed Mass).
Against the current V1 and V2
How it opens
V1
A question about their payment wait, with the company name dropped in ("how long does Acme Heating wait..."), which reads like a mail merge.
V2
Opens on us: "I'd rather you try Revbase on one job."
New
A moment from their week in their words (floating jobs, "do you do heating too?", oil and gas homes), and "you" all the way through.
Claims per email
V1 and V2
Five or six: Friday pay, financing, rebates in NY and MA, 15 installs, no fee, walk away anytime.
New
One proof line, plus one sentence on what we handle.
The ask
V1
"Want me to send over how it works, yes or no?" They have to agree to a pitch.
V2
"Want to try it on your next quote, yes or no?" They have to commit to a job.
New
A question about their own business. "No" is welcome, and a no still starts a thread.
Length
V1 and V2
74 to 88 words (HVAC and home improvement).
New
72 to 80 words.
Before any of this ships
The "15 installs a month" line is in the approved copy, but the claims note has no data behind it. Draft B uses it, so please confirm it's still true.
Draft C promises "you won't hear from me again". That holds because any human reply stops the drip and only positive replies can auto-send. A "no" only creates a Gmail draft, which shouldn't be sent.
All three drafts say "you", so a shared inbox greeted as "Acme team" reads fine. The pass-it-to-the-owner line can still go in above the question.
The writing linter didn't run because no key is installed on this host. I checked the drafts by hand against the AI-tell list: no em dashes, no "not X but Y", and no stacked lists.